It’s often said to never explore the woods at night. I didn’t think too much about the specifics. I wouldn’t let some fake stories keep me from roaming. However, I am much more careful after a fateful night a few years ago.
I was staring at the ceiling, listening to my clock’s thoughtful ticking. That’s often when I get the itch to wander into the unfamiliar woods behind my house. I never had the desire to walk around during the day, but the silence of the evening and echo of the clock forced my body out of bed. That specific night in late October, when the leaves rustled and shook with each breeze, I stretched my bones and walked into the darkness. What a fool I was. Breaking into the unrecognizable and dense brush, the wind stalled, and all that hung in the air was the sound of my breathing. I tried to move silently, my feet barely brushing against the ground. Those towering trees seemed to loom over me. The deafening stillness was cut by an indistinct murmur. My heart stopped and I could hear the pounding of blood in my ears. It grew louder, and it almost seemed to laugh at me. Combing through the tops of the trees with only the light of the crescent moon, I spotted a bird. Or what I thought was a bird. My God, That vile thing was like no creature I had’d ever seen before. It resembled an owl with its round face, yet it had the brooding frame of a vulture. Its talons sunk into the branch of the tree it was hanging on. Fear paralyzed me. I tried to turn, to run, to scream, but I couldn’t look away. The creature’s face was almost humanlike, with its big dark eyes and broad beak and its call was no different. Almost as if it was impersonating a man chuckling. Not once did it break eye contact or cower. It must have only been a few seconds before its snicker abruptly stopped, and it became uninterested. Its great wings fluttered open and it flew off.
I wouldn’t say I’m scared to go back into the woods, but I definitely frequent them less. On those helpless nights where the clock ticks away, that creature creeps into the back of my mind and I feel the same paralyzing fear.
I really like how you structured this post by color coding what the speaker is saying in the present and what is a memory. I also really like how you described the bird in a menacing fashion, this description alongside the fact that it chuckled like a man gave me the chills.
Overall, the story is very well written, and the imagery of the unnaturalness of nature quite unsettling. The structure is particularly strong, with the usage of blocks clearly setting out different sections of the work. The white text on green stands out well, and even somewhat gives the feeling of walking through a dark forest, with green canopy and foliage all around oneself. The images also strengthen the piece, with such a visually striking image that remains in the readers head as their last memory of the story.
I feel that you could consider splitting the main block of text with one or two line breaks to better build the creepy, uncanny atmosphere by making the piece feel slower, and thereby building more tension to help accent this already very strong piece just that little bit more.
Rae! This story was really wonderful. You really channeled the uncanny with your description of the humanlike bird such as “The creature’s face was almost humanlike” and the description of the chuckling noise. I also really enjoyed that your story didn’t contain any supernatural elements, you did not need to rely on imagination to create something truly creepy. And the fact that it is a realistic scenario only adds to the creep factor! Your descriptions are perfectly vivid as well, adding to the realism. I also enjoyed your use of first-person narration, it really brought me into the story!