What’s up Ollie?
Not much, just enjoying these mashed potatoes. How’s water polo going?
The season ended like a month ago dumbass.
I didn’t know that!
What, do you think we’re going to keep swimming when the weather’s like this?
Ok well it’s an indoor pool you don’t exactly have to brave the elements. I thought polo was supposed to be about horses and shit anyways. Your main activity is a spinoff of a horse sport, let that sink in.
Whatever man. How’s school?
Not too bad. I just declared English the other day, so I’m gonna have a blast working construction the rest of my life.
Can’t you become a lawyer with an English degree though?
Yeah but that’s not really something I want to do.
So what, you just want to write?
Pretty much. Creative writing is the only thing in school I ever really loved doing, so I may as well pursue it.
Fair enough. Can you pass the cranberry sauce?
I enjoyed how simple and natural you portray conversation in this piece! I always prefer when dialogue is blunter, without an intense poetic style, because in real life, there is more to discover in what is left unsaid. Furthermore, it was clever to use bold font to indicate that a different person was speaking. I had to chuckle about law school since that’s exactly what I am doing with my English degree. I do wish I could’ve heard just slighty more about your creative writing pursuits.
I really love how blunt and simple this conversation is. The bold is really helpful to the reader to distinguish who is speaking and I really enjoy how simple yet effective this is. Like Liz, I also wish that you explained your creative writing more.
Oliver, I think you did a great job capturing the essence of conversations between siblings, this reminded me exactly of how my sister and I might speak to each other after coming back home for break! I appreciated your formatting, as it was easy to follow who was speaking with the simple layout of bold/unbold. As the previous comments have mentioned, I would also enjoy seeing a further expansion of what you have written.
Very easy scene. I enjoyed the elegant characterization of both yourself and your brother, by merely speaking to your interests. You speak in short bouts, not significantly committing to a line of thought longer than needed to get out the barest idea. Maybe we needed more though? Dig into why you love creative writing. What primal urge does it scratch?
I guess that would not please your brother, who seems to prefer simpler conversations to deep ones. But your attempt at self-recognition might be an opportunity to joke about your brother’s aversion to depth.
Packing a great deal of character into a very short piece, you do a great job of illustrating the personalities of all involved–particularly the line “The season ended like a month ago dumbass.” As others have noted, the form is particularly well done, with alternating bold and un-bolded lines making it very evident who is talking at what point. Most interesting to me is the fact that the title is relatively quite long, making the mostly quite short lines of the post itself stand out more. As compared to what others think, I personally think extending any of the lines might over-complicate the clean simplicity of the post.