Once upon a time there was a little sea princess, the fairest you could image. She was the youngest of six and daughter to the Sea King. She had no feet, and her body ended in a fish tail, for she was a little mermaid.
The little mermaid was very curious and was happiest when learning about the human world. She made her grandmother tell her everything about the world above the sea.
“You may go to the surface when you turn fifteen,” the grandmother told the sea princesses. The youngest sea princess would have to wait five years before her time came to swim to the surface and see the human world for herself.
Five years passed. It was finally the day the little mermaid would emerge from the waters and view the world above. The little mermaid swam up to the surface and saw a large ship full of sailors. The little mermaid watched the sailors talk and dance, but she was most drawn to the young prince among the group. She was in awe of the whole scene. She stayed there for a long time, but then a storm began to take hold of the ship. The ship creaked and groaned and broke apart.
“Oh no!” the little mermaid said. She was frightened when she saw the young prince sinking down into the sea, and she quickly swam after him. The little mermaid grabbed the prince and brought him to the surface. She held his head above water until the storm ended, and she brought him to nearby land. She laid him on the sand and made a pillow for his head. Hidden in the waves, the mermaid waited until a young girl came and found the prince. The little sea princess was filled with sorrow as she returned to the palace below the sea. …
Moral
Our tale was meant to show,
That when through wishes
And through deals with the deep,
You seek a way into this holy land
Of love and cherished time,
Things may not work out as they ought,
And you might get what you wished you had not.
But good children,
Who make their parents happy
And are deserving of their love,
Bring joy and God’s gift of everlasting life,
The greatest wish of all.
I did just a part of the beginning of the story and then part of the end, as “The Little Mermaid” is a bit too long to include the entire story
The addition of a moral at the end of The Little Mermaid reminded me of the one provided at the end of Charles Perrault’s Sleeping Beauty in the Wood or his version of Little Red Riding Hood! The end rhyme of “they ought” and “wished you had not,” is very satisfying and clever to read! I particularly enjoyed the inclusion of the holy land and references to God, since the end of this story plays heavily into a spiritual awakening for the Little Mermaid.
I really liked your Perrault-esque moral poem, Riley! Since we were told to do a short close-reading of our peers’ blog posts, I decided to do so in my comment:
“You seek a way into this holy land
Of love and cherished time”
These lines work together to enforce the religious overtone of The Little Mermaid story and impart the idea of a metaphysical heaven reached by compliance with religious moral standards. The diction, particularly the words “holy,” “love,” and “cherished,” paint the portrait of a particular idea of heaven as a wondrous, idealistic place where time is “cherished” and there is abounding love, assumed to be God’s love. Further, the metaphor of a “holy land” as a physical place that one can “seek a way into” is juxtaposed with the more vague concepts of “love and cherished time” to build a notion of heaven that is both an ideal utopia of good things and an attainable physical reality for one to aspire to reach.
Riley, I agree with Liz that it models Perrault, which I assume it is quite the challenge to do. I felt that the sentence structure is clunky at times, it all just seems very repetitive. Which I did not realize when reading Perrault but he totally does it as well. I find it interesting to see that his sentences are actually like that. I would assume his audience is more directed at children with this constant repetition. I think it’d be cool to see the rest of the story in this style of writing as well.
As others have mentioned, the Perrault inspiration is clear, particularly in the more simplified structure and narrative, and especially in the final moral–when compared to Andersen’s original moral it’s much more connected to the story itself, rather than some vague notion of air spirits and souls.
While I do feel like some lines could be smoothed out or have their diction improved to be more evocative–in particular (“You may go to the surface when you turn fifteen,” the grandmother told the sea princesses. The youngest sea princess would have to wait five years before her time came to swim to the surface and see the human world for herself.) which comes across as a bit plain–the somewhat repetitive nature helps support the idea that this story could have been a more oral one (Since many of Perrault’s stories were oral folktales, as opposed to Andersen’s textually beautiful but simultaneously textually bound writing. It would be hard to tell Andersen’s Little Mermaid from memory, compared to your much more brief, version, with themes and phrases repeated to allow an oral storyteller to remember them much easier.).
I did my close reading on this piece at the end of class the other day. I can share some of my thoughts. Each of the following observations is only observation. No critique intended.
You use the Once Upon a Time Cliche.
Instead of ‘Imagine,’ the word I expect, you use ‘image.’
Passive voice throughout much of it, uses ‘was’ as verb most of the time.
Past tense, passive Voice, 3rd Person Narration.
None of the characters have a name.
Grandmother exists to converse with Little Mermaid, and presents a barrier to the surface.
Little Mermaid’s motive is to visit the surface.
No conversation about the surface. Sense of finalization created by paragraph break and dialogue “You may go to the surface when you turn 15.”
Only little mermaid described as a mermaid.
New paragraph at “Oh no!” pulls focus away from sailors, and back to mermaid.
Ending with an ellipsis pulls attention.
I really liked how you channeled Perrault for this. I think you did a really nice job with his style and I loved the moral at the end. You really tied some of the most important things about the story together, especially with the moral. You managed to get those little ties to God in there which in Andersen’s version felt like it came out of nowhere. I think you did a really great job overall with this!